did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
