ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
