Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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