mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
