At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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