i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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