You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
