I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off