Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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