Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.

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  (253): I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby. http://tfl.nu/itl7
  Replies (9) Good night (737) Bad night (2841)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.

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  (512): there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby. http://tfl.nu/h3ux
  Replies (12) Good night (1434) Bad night (4853)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.

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  (702): It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life. http://tfl.nu/mba1
  Replies (18) Good night (3430) Bad night (2662)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

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  (250): I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown. http://tfl.nu/tv3d
  Replies (40) Good night (7576) Bad night (1302)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."

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  (269): Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer." http://tfl.nu/35qp
  Replies (4) Good night (2532) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?

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  (646): why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night? http://tfl.nu/e1cc
  Replies (9) Good night (1637) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.

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  (636): In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something. http://tfl.nu/dpws
  Replies (4) Good night (1074) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man

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  (616): Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man http://tfl.nu/3epz
  Replies (6) Good night (526) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.

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  (816): I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched. http://tfl.nu/gdap
  Replies (5) Good night (961) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.

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  (503): You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner. http://tfl.nu/k4un
  Replies (5) Good night (830) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.

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  (360): Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight. http://tfl.nu/kads
  Replies (2) Good night (460) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles

  (907): View more from Alaska

  How do you keep ending up in these situations?

  (415): View more from California

  My dad is their accountant

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  (415): Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles (907): How do you keep ending up in these situations? (415): My dad is their accountant http://tfl.nu/1r4v
  Replies (2) Good night (1229) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.

  (214): View more from Texas

  That's our motto every night.

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  (469): Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT. (214): That's our motto every night. http://tfl.nu/q8qi
  Replies (1) Good night (921) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.

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  (858): I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain. http://tfl.nu/q8gg
  Replies (2) Good night (422) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...

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  (631): Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy... http://tfl.nu/m1es
  Replies (1) Good night (319) Bad night (228)

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