you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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