it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?