this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked