We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights