I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.