Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant