So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
