I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
