so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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