Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
