I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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