wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
