You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
