I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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