Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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