i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
