every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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