my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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