remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
