we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
