she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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