Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
