She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
