It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
