Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
