then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
