this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
