I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
