When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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