If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
