Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
