I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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