I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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