I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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