He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
