Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
