Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
