so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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