I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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