you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
