I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
