I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The power of my boobs compel you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
