My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
