Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
