the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
