I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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