I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
