he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
