Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
