i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
