this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
