OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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