my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
