Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
