does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
