They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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