what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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