My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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