I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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