worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We just shotgunned beers for America
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
