I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
