i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
