Too much gin, very little bucket
my shit smells like andre
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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