Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
