did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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