New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Text me some of your sweat
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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