Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
