32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
