Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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