I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
