R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
