During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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